What's the quickest way to my heart? None of these things!

I'm generally a very easy going person. It takes a lot to make me mad. Well, okay... I get mad easily. I guess I should say it takes a lot to make me mad enough that I'll show it or that you know my anger is directed towards you. I let a lot of stuff go. Sometimes the little things accumulate to make one giant clusterfuck and when it reaches that point.. it's a shitshow. What are the things that cause my anger you ask?


Driving slow in the fast lane. 
Motherfucker, no. You don't do that. The slow lane was created for people that are going to drive 10 miles under the speed limit and for old people with limited sight distance that really shouldn't be driving but they are independent bastards so they do anyway. The fast lane was created for people that are going to go fast. It was also created for passing. I can't fucking go around you if I've got 87 year old Edna with a bum leg and fucking cataracts staring through Coke bottle glasses in the right lane and you're taking your sweet ass time going to Wal Mart or wherever the hell your destination is. Sometimes you're also putting on make-up. That shit sends me over the edge. You are causing me to be late to my ALWAYS IMPORTANT SHIT because you're applying your Smackers lip gloss. If you're going to do that, move your hunk of fucking metal over into the left lane with one-eyed Edna and drive like handicapped sloth over there.

Insisting on Having the Last Word:
My sister is the QUEEN of this. She's 17 years old and she lives to piss me off. Usually I can blow her off, but if I've had enough and she does this we've been known to have a throw down in the front yard. It usually begins with me having a bad day. Little things happen. A bad test grade. Someone pulled out in front of me. A bird shit on my door handle. Small things that accumulate to create a growing, hidden pool of fuck you. She arrives wherever I am. I begin a conversation and since she hasn't been the cause of any of my little problems-- I'm nice and friendly. She answers me with an attitude. I immediately realize that she's being a little bitch, but I continue the conversation because as I said earlier, I let a lot of stuff go. She answers with an attitude again. It's growing more difficult for me to be nice, so I tell her to shut up and forget it. She has a very calm response, but it you know she's doing it to be an asshole. The conversation usually goes like this:

Me: Blah blah blah.
Sister: Attitude.
M: You know what? Just shut up and forget it.
S: Okay.
M: Seriously. Just stop it.
S: Okay.
M: Just leave me alone and stop answering me.
S: Okay.
M: STOP IT.
S: I don't have to.
M: YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF.
S: I know.
M: YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE BITCH.
S: I know.
(At this point I know that she's baiting me, but I'm so pissed off that I don't care.)
M:I WISH I COULD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.
S: Go ahead.
M: ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR DAMN NOSE!
S: I'm sure you will.
This usually results in a physical fight. 

For the love of God. Don't do this to me. There is literally no faster way to piss me off.


School Work:
I like school. I like to learn. I'm not one of those kids that can stare at something for 10 seconds and know it forever. I make good grades, but I have to work at it. I'm best at English. I love to write. I do understand that there are kids out there who aren't good at writing. They just don't get it. I don't mind helping my friends out. Want me to read a paper? Okay. Want me to help you form your body paragraphs? Sure. Need work on an introduction? That's fine. But don't you fucking try to manipulate my kindness and get me to do it for you. Don't bring your introduction to me and ask how to write your body paragraphs because you didn't read the whole book for the 3rd time, you lazy sack of shit. Don't fucking ask me to read your introduction for the 27th time so I can see if your thesis is good because you won't send the professor an email. And don't you dare get pissed at me when I don't know how to arrange your paper for the book you didn't read because I don't see how it relates to the topic. I don't mind helping people. I love it, actually. But I got where I am by asking the teacher questions, staying after class, reading the material, and learning from my mistakes. And Fuck You for trying to use me and my generosity as an out for your dumbass laziness.

Clingers:
These people piss me off. I understand that some people are needy. Got it. That's their personality and they can't help it. Cool. Okay. But there are situations that piss me off more than others: Dating. Recently, I attempted "get back on the horse" after being single for a while. The guy seemed nice enough. I gave it a shot.  We hung out for two hours. It was fun. He was nice and he didn't seem like an asshole. Within 30 minutes of leaving I had a text message saying that he "wanted to get to know me better so we could turn this into something more." My warning flags went up, but I suppressed them in the excitement of someone new. Day 2: I worked on a paper, he sat in a chair beside me. There wasn't much discussion, but I didn't feel the "spark" that was there for my last two relationships. I also felt he was a little too immature for my liking. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just a personal preference. I talked to a couple of friends who convinced me to give it a shot anyway. Day 3: Good morning texts. Repeatedly telling me I'm a great person and he can't wait to get to know me. If I didn't answer within a few minutes another text was sent. More warning flags. Later that day I had a friend who I completely trust tell me that I needed to be careful. He confirmed my flags. I made the decision to ease out of it, figuring it would be easy since we'd seen each other like.. 8 hours total. Wrong. I broke the news to him. Nicely, I might add. A pity party was thrown and that pisses me off. He can coordinate an excellent guilt trip. I spent the next 3 hours apologizing for something that I shouldn't have to apologize for. It didn't work out like he wanted. Boo fucking hoo. Get over it. We've talked for 8 hours. I've taken shits longer than that.


Trying to tell me I don't know what's best for myself:
These people are are fucking stupid. Over the course of my life -- especially in the last few years -- I have realized that it's hard to trust people and even the people you trust will try to pull this shit. I ask for advice. I take advice. I listen to it. But I absolutely do not want you to tell me how to live my life or that I should live it like you do because yours is so fucking grand.
No, no I do not like alcohol. Because I don't like the taste of it. No I don't think this beer is going to be any better than the last beer I tried for you. No, I shouldn't learn to like it because you want me to party with you. No, I'm not a pussy, but you're a dick.

No, I don't smoke. You know that. Oh, you're talking about weed? Yeah, I don't do that either. It's relaxing you say? So is fishing and that's not illegal. It's fun too? I bet that class that you failed will be even more fun the second time you take it. No, I'm not a pussy, but you're a douche bag.

Yeah, I'm still single. Oh, that guy? I just didn't feel anything. Yes, I do believe two days is enough time to tell if someone is worth pursuing. Yes, you told me that it took you 3 months to feel something for your boyfriend. Yes, I took that into consideration. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you wanted me to be happy. You do? Well why would you want me to settle for someone that doesn't make me happy? So I would at least have someone around, you say? No, I don't need to "get back on the horse" that bad. I raised my standards since my last relationship. I'm never going accept less than I think I deserve again. No, that doesn't make me a high maintenance bitch, but it does make you an inconsiderate asshole.

There is nothing more infuriating than having someone tell me how to live my life. Especially after I have made a decision for myself and someone tells me I'm stupid because it wasn't how they would have handled the situation. Fuck you, you're a horrible person


There are several other ways to piss me off. Smacking your food, squeaking your wet shoes on the tile floor, farting in an elevator. But those things up there? Don't fucking do them. They should piss everyone off, not just me. If you do these things, you are a horrible person.

Encounters with bugs

Bugs are nasty. I don't like them, but I can tolerate them. Spiders? Spiders terrify the living shit out of me. Same thing with bees, wasps, hornets. They are all the same thing and they all about drive me crazy because I'm so scared of them. I don't know why. Or maybe I do. I've had some pretty horrific encounters with these creatures that can make even the manliest man cringe.

June Bugs:
June Bugs are relatively harmless. They fly around in your grass during the summer and go away the rest of the year. I think that's great because that means I only have to sprint through my front yard like a drunken lunatic a few weeks out of the year. Why would I be scared of a June Bug you ask? They are harmless, or I thought they were until my childhood was ruined by grandmotherly fun.

My Mamaw and I were very close before she passed away when I was in 3rd grade. I used to go to her house all the time and during the summer we would always go outside and catch June Bugs. I was probably 6 or 7 at the time this took place. I don't know about your grandparents, but Mamaw would always catch a June Bug and tie a piece of thread to it's leg and let me fly it around like a little kite. That was the coolest shit ever. I always loved that. One day we were sitting on the front porch and she had caught me a June Bug and I was flying that bastard everywhere. It was buzzing in circles and we were having a great time. I remember I was laughing and I watched it fly up in the air and then it flew back at my face like a missile and it attached itself to my upper lip. It grabbed my fucking upper lip with its grubby little feelers and started pulling it back and forth. I screamed. I couldn't get it off. I was 6 years old, running around on the front porch with a June Bug kite attached to my lip. Mamaw couldn't help me. She was laughing too hard which traumatized me all the more. Finally she composed herself long enough to rip that thing off and throw it in the yard. I've never been the same. I'm 18 years old and I KNOW they won't hurt me but I still run through the yard like I've got a rabid beast on my tail.

Harmless my asshole. NO ONE IS SAFE. NO ONE.

Bees/Wasps:
I've never really known what it's felt like to be stung by a bee. My sister used to get stung all the time and I'd made it through life completely unscathed until I was about 13 years old.

We live in a small town and at the time there wasn't a Lowes or Home Depot to shop at. We had to drive 30 minutes to get to the closest one. We made a family trip up there because my sister and I were too young to stay alone for an extended period of time. My Papaw needed to go too, so he also made the trip. It was still early spring so it was warm enough for a t-shirt, but cold enough that you still needed pants. We got out, shopped, and came back to get in the car. There was a yellow jacket buzzing around us and it was getting kind of close to my face, so I swatted at it and got in the car. I didn't think anything of it and put my seat belt on and we went to McDonalds to get some fries. On our way home I was eating my little box of fries and I felt something kind of tickle my leg. I shifted positions and it stopped. We continued down the road and I felt it again, only this time it was higher and it felt like it was crawling. I mashed down on it before thinking and I'll be damned if that little fucker yellow jacket that I swatted at hadn't crawled up my pants and GET STUCK IN MY THIGH. I had ridden in the car AT LEAST 15 minutes. I threw my fries everywhere and started screaming -- trying to take my pants off. My dad pulled over and mom got out and we pulled my pants down right there on the side of the road. My little white ass was a shining everyone. Mom took a Kleenex and scraped the guts and smushed wings off my leg and pulled the stinger out. I did some deep breathing and tried to compose myself. After a few minutes of that I pulled my pants up with what little dignity I had left and got back in the car. I've never been stung since, but that one time will do me for the rest of my life.


Spiders:
Spiders are the worst things ever. It doesn't matter if they are big or small. They are bad. And evil. Grandaddy Long legs? Get the fuck out. Little black spiders? Hell no. But you have to deal with them. It's inevitable. But one thing you shouldn't count on? Mutant spiders the size of a fucking apple. I was at my house with a friend of mine. We were watching Juno. The TV is the focal point of the room with our fireplace and rock hearth to the right of it. I just happened to look down and see this black blob in the floor. I thought my dog had pooped or maybe we had left a sock in the floor so I got up to investigate. Oh, how wrong I was. As I got closer I could make out the shape. It was a spider. A huge, mutant, I swear to God the size of an apple, spider. I squealed and told my friend to come kill it. It turns out, she is equally afraid of spiders and wouldn't touch it. I wasn't going to touch it and risk losing a limb and of course there were no adults within 20 minutes of us. My parents gone somewhere and hers at a party. Our movie sat unwatched as we focused on the spiders every move. It went in front of the tv and circled around back. My dog, who was known to eat bugs and spiders was trying to get near it. I had to grab her and keep her with me because if she had eaten it, it would have killed her. Finally, it started getting really close to us.. probably within 10 feet, and my friend called her parents. Of course, they were pissed that we called them about a spider, but she was on the verge of tears so they said they would be there in 10 minutes. 10 minutes. 10 feet. We couldn't stand on the floor. What if it came after us? I couldn't put my dog down. What if she ate it? So we spent the next 10 minutes furniture hopping. That thing got right under our coffee table which I was standing on. It was massive. It had some beef on it. Hairy.. geez. I just got goosebumps. Her parents still weren't there and I couldn't let it go under the sofa where it was headed next or we'd lose it forever. I took a hardback book that my mom had on the table and I lifted it up as high as I could, aimed, and slammed it down right on top of the spider. Fucking spider babies went everywhere. Thousands of them. I screamed. My friend screamed just as her parents were walking in the door. They were laughing at us of course but all the laughter stopped as soon as her dad picked up the book and saw the spider and it's babies. He stomped all over them and flushed what he could. It was easily one of the nastiest things I had ever seen. I had to Google that later so I could find out what it was. It turns out the spider was a wolf spider and they carry their babies on their backs.

I'd show a picture but it's 12:17 am and I will literally have nightmares because spiders scare me so much. You'll have to Google wolf spider with babies on it's back yourself.


I've had some other unfortunate encounters with bugs. The worst is being in the shower minding your own business and looking up to find a spider staring at you while you're naked. I can't get out of there fast enough. It scares the hell out of me every time. But those three examples are why I'm a little chicken shit. After dealing with all that if I want to ask my dad to kill a bug, I'm going to. The only good bug is a dead bug and I don't think women's rights are worth shit if it means I can't as a man to do my bug squashing.

Too much awkward.

Awkward situations are unfortunately part of everyday life. Fortunately there are a few guidelines to help you make these situations more bearable. Most people try to make the best of these situations by finding the funny, while others avoid recognizing that there is an awkward situation at all. But, if you’re like any normal person, you’ve been faced with unexpected situations that strip you of your dignity, raise your blood pressure, and leave you dumbfounded – trying to find the nearest escape route away from the public eye. Luckily, awkward situations happen to everyone. Your average Joe, celebrities… even former President Bush faced an embarrassing moment when he threw up on the Japanese Prime Minister, Former President Ford fell on his face leaving Air Force One, and I’m sure everyone remembers Jessica Simpson’s “Chicken of the Sea” fiasco. In fact, just the other day I had an awkward situation occur when an ex-boyfriend that I literally have not talked to in two years popped up on my Facebook and told me that he got married and was thinking about having kids with his wife. I don’t know what you’re supposed to do with that information… Which brings me to my first point:

 Exes. 

There are two main types of awkward situations when dealing with Exes: The Direct interaction and the indirect interaction. The direct interaction occurs when you are face to face with your ex. Such as when a teacher assigns partners, you go out to eat and your ex is the waiter/waitress… basically when you’re thrown into an unavoidable situation with an ex-significant other. 

The solution: Try and be a civilized human being and act like you’re the happiest person on the face of the planet. Ignore the awkward as best you can and busy yourself with horribly funny text messages and check Facebook often. Distractions are key.

The Indirect interaction is easier to handle. If you receive a message from an ex that you haven’t heard from in a while the obvious thing would be to not respond. But if you’re not smart enough to think of that first(like me) and find yourself in a conversation that you really don’t care to be having but  don’t want to be mean… use lots of question marks and exclamation marks. That’s why they were created.

The next awkward situation I will be addressing is the Foot in Mouth. Anytime something inappropriate, rude, or hurtful comes out of your mouth before your brain can give it an okay it can be categorized as The Foot in Mouth.  This is perhaps the most shameful of all awkward situations. It is difficult to recover because an awkward silence usually follows.

The Solution: IMMEDIATELY after you realize that you have humiliated yourself, direct the attention to someone or something else. Change the subject.  You can also try the confusion method. Ex: I was wedding dress shopping with my best friend and she asked me what I thought about feathers. Apparently, feathers are a big deal for her and she loves them. I don’t.  Using the confuse method, I avoided the awkward silence immediately after and recovered.  “Oh, I thought you told me you didn’t. Didn’t you? Didn’t you say that on the way down here? Hmm... I must have misunderstood you. I know you will look beautiful whatever you choose!” 

Unfortunately, I am known for my trips, falls, and other mishaps. I’ve had a lot of experience in this area. Tripping and falling is another humiliating experience, but with a good attitude and the right recovery you can only care a little bit like me! There are several different types of falling. The public fall, the sports fall, and that one fall you’d just like to forget.

The public fall is when you’re at an important event. Graduation, awards day… some place that falling would be top 5 of the worst things that can happen. If you’ve fallen at any one of those events (raise hand) you must laugh it off, ignore the red that has surely come over your face and, laugh with anyone that tries to bring it up later. Or you can bow. That seems to work too.

The sports fall: The sports fall gives you a little leeway. You can usually pass it off as hustle. But if you find yourself in a situation where you can’t… Like after hitting your first homerun you tripped over third base and fell face first in front of the other team’s dugout, the recovery might be a little trickier. The solution: If you’re the center of attention and there is no way to avoid the stares of every person in that vicinity, acknowledge the awkward. Chances are it will be completely silent after you’ve created such an awkward situation for yourself. Come right out and say “well, that was embarrassing” and continue on your way. If you show that you’re completely okay with embarrassment others are less likely to bring it up.

The one that you’d like to forget.  This fall is the most humiliating. You have shamed yourself at the highest level possible. You may have fallen down a hill in front of hundreds of people. You might have caused a multi-person pile up; you could have fallen in the parking lot and caused a traffic jam because your backpack was so heavy that you couldn’t get up…

The Solution: There is none. Good luck. 

Responding to someone that isn’t talking to you is another unfortunate awkward situation that you may find yourself in. This one is a tricky situation to get out of. You must be extremely skilled if you want to come out of this without the other person realizing that you’ve made a fool of yourself.

 The solution: Don’t allow the awkward silence to set in. Continue to respond to someone invisible behind you. When the person that you actually responded to looks at you, create an awkward situation for them and make them feel shame! 

The next situation I will address is dealing with adults. Any embarrassing or awkward situations dealing with authoritative figures is extremely horrifying. There are many different situations that you can face but I will focus on two main issues:  Unfortunate timing during movie scenes and miscommunications.

Everyone has had the unfortunate experience of having your parents walk in during that one inappropriate scene during the movies. Or you have had to sit there beside your mom or dad while the actors are makin’ babies. I find that to be incredibly awkward.

The solution: Become extremely interested in your phone. Send out a mass text and pray to the good lord above that someone responds. And do not make eye contact. If you don’t acknowledge the scene, it didn’t happen. Simple as that. 

My final point is miscommunications between adults. These situations can result in groundings, all out yelling matches or in my case – a parent teacher conference.  This was perhaps the most awkward situation that I have ever been in. My sophomore year I had a teacher that singled me out and decided that I was a horrible person. It began with small things. She called me to her desk and then she called me out in the hall after accusing me of talking about her. It transitioned into her coming to my desk and writing me notes asking what was wrong with me and my family. She would then send emails to my other teachers saying that I wanted her dead. The end result was her kicking me out of class after saying that “I ruined her day and her class and she didn’t want to see me anymore.” We had a parent teacher conference and she spent the entire time crying saying that she didn’t know what to do because I was rude and disrespectful. Yeah. I know. 

The solution: Be the bigger person. Adults hate being wrong – especially in front of other adults. Agree. Say you’re sorry. Say that you’ll try harder to sit in the corner and not speak and not make below a 96. And then do everything possible to not have that teacher again. 

In conclusion I have told you about several awkward situations and what I believe is the best way to deal with them. However, the main thing you must remember is that everyone deals with awkward situations. Everyone gets humiliated and the best thing to do is embrace your inner awkward. The easier you can laugh at yourself the easier it is to deal with other people laughing at you.

How I ended face down in a ditch on the side of the road.

My parents aren't strict, but through my high school days they had a very strict sense of right and wrong. Doing homework? Good. Stealing road signs? Don't even fucking think about it.
As I got into my first few months of college the rules that I had to follow during high school apparently went to shit. I came home one weekend to find that my sister had a HUGE road sign sitting in the middle of her bedroom. I just stood there in awe because she had it placed in the center of her room for all the world to see. I asked her what on God's green earth was that doing where our dad could see it. She shrugged her shoulders and said "He says it's okay. If I get caught I have to pay the fine myself. Whatever. I'm a pro."
 
Uh.. what?

This is the same guy that took my phone away for 2 days for saying 'suck.'

Anyway, I had always wanted my very own road sign. I began plotting and I knew where I could get the one I wanted. It was a giant BUMP sign. A few days went by and on a clear night at about 11 o'clock I asked my sister to go with me to get a sign because it's not easy to do it by yourself. We got in her little 4 cylinder car(because that's important) and drove off. She told me that if it was going to be difficult to get off it was okay because she had tools. My sister has sign stealing tools stashed in her car. She's a pro.
I guess I should make it clear that I would never, EVER steal a stop sign and wouldn't really steal someones street sign either because I know they are expensive to pay for. I would take ones that had fallen over or had been left by road work crews.

We got to the where it was. Since it was so late I didn't figure that being right on the side of the road would matter too much. Wrong. We drove by several times making sure no one was coming and my sister turned off her lights and stopped in the highway to let me out. I ran over to the ditch where the sign had fallen over. I didn't a bit more get to picking the damn thing up (which was a LOT bigger than I had anticipated. Especially since it still had the fucking poles attached to it) and a car came around the curve. I hit the fucking ground. My feet involuntarily curled under me and I dropped like a sack of bricks. Face down in the ditch. I was like one of those fainting goats. I'm probably being too generous by giving it the title of a ditch. It was more like a little bitty dip where flat ground meets bank. You couldn't successfully hide a baseball bat in that damn thing.

This is pretty much where I was trying to hide all 5 foot 8 of me. Only with more thorns and less high grass.

Anyway, while I'm there, face down the fucking dimple on the side of the road all I hear is a fucking baby VROOOOOOOOOOOOM coming out of her little 4 cylinder engine and then it's gone. There's more power in a weed-eater. But it doesn't change the fact that she floored the shit out of that and LEFT. ME. THERE. So the car goes by and I peeked up to she if I could see our car and I'll be damned if another one isn't coming. I buried my head as far down as I could which was hard because I was in a clusterfuck of bushes covered in thorns. Finally after what seemed like AGES the road was quiet again. My sister pulls back up and the window is down. She has tears rolling down her face. She popped the trunk and she told me(as much as she could muster between snorts) to hurry up and put the sign in the back. I tried to pick it up and as soon as I did a fucking dog comes out of nowhere. It's snarling and barking and it locks in on me and starts galloping my way. My sister sees this and floors her car again leaving me to drop the sign and run down the road after her in a pair of boots. I dove into the passenger side and glared at her. I was covered in thorns, tree paraphernalia, mud, and I was bleeding from various places of my body. She thought that was the funniest shit ever. I just hope that's the last time I end up face down in a ditch on the side of the road.

It's that time of year.

The forecast for the next 8 days calls for one giant shitstorm with a 95% chance of headaches and loss of sleep. A clusterfuck is moving in near the beginning of next week and it appears to be slow moving; leaving a trail of destruction, chaos, and insanity in it's path.

-Welcome to finals week.

It doesn't help that all your professors believe that their class IS the center of the universe. What? You're taking 4 other classes besides mine?! WELL WHO GIVES A FUCK.

I figure the only way that I'm going to get it all done is it I don't shit, shave, or sleep.
I've got a stress related eye twitch and a head ache already.

If Betty White can do this so can I

I recently acquired a Twitter. I sent my first Tweet.
#whatthefuckdoIdonow?    <-- is that even how that works?
Fail. :(

The Curse.

My parents are pretty great people. My dad has always wanted my sister and me to have better than he did. It doesn't matter what it is, he just wants us to have better.
I think I was around 10 when I started looking at cars on the highway. I would look at mom and tell her I wanted this car and then it would change to that car and so on. When I turned fifteen I started looking at them on the internet. And bless my dad's heart.. I chose a mustang. I just had to have a mustang. Mustang this, mustang that. I'm pretty sure my mom hated me a week after I made that decision. She was totally against it but I am daddy's little girl. He talked her into it and about a month before my 16th birthday we found one and went and got it. It was perfect. Lemon yellow. It was love at first sight. We brought it home and I was told I couldn't drive it until I was 16. That was a long month..

About two weeks after I got my license I was making a food run for a camp I was working at. I was going to have to pull across the road to make it to Subway. I didn't see anything once I got in the turning lane and I went on across. I heard this screeching sound and then the BAM! My passenger side door had an SUV stuck in it. I immediately started squalling. There were two people in the car and the woman came around and opened my door. She asked me if I was okay and I told her I was. She was pretty mean about it, though. And then she told me the words I never want to hear again in my entire life. "I'm sorry, but you should know that you just hit a cop." A cop. A mother fucking cop. I lost it. The woman asked me what my name was and I told her. I included my dad's name too because he used to be a cop before I was born. She got nice real quick after that. I called my dad and he called someone to come sign for me so they wouldn't have to take me away in the freaking ambulance because he was about 40 minutes away. So there I sat in the middle of the road with an ambulance, a fire truck, 5 cars that had stopped because they knew me. It was a fucking party.

A higher insurance bill and a new car door later I was driving home from my best friends house. Let's call her.. B. B had gotten up early to go do something boyfriend related so I woke up and was heading back to my house. I had stopped pulling across the road after my first accident so I was going the back way. There is a little 4 way stop on the back side of town. I pulled up first and this car pulled up after me but he was on my left. My right of way. I went and got about halfway through when he hit me. I don't know what he was thinking or if he just didn't notice the bright yellow mustang going in front of him but he hit me. Right smack in the middle of my car. I was SO mad. I mean, it's one thing to not see a car but to have one right in front of you at a 4 way? Come on, man. I called my dad. He was out of town.. again, and then I called B. The conversation went something like this:

B: Hello?

Me: SOMESONOFABITCHMOTHERFUCKERJUSTRANTHEFUCKING4WAYINTOMYDRIVERSIDEDOOR!!!!!

B: Uh.. what?

Me: SOMEBODY. JUST. FUCKING. RAN. INTO. MY. MOTHER. FUCKING. CAR. DAMN. IT.

B: Are you okay!?

Me: YES I'M FUCKING OKAY. DON'T I SOUND FUCKING OKAY? I'M FUCKING OKAY EXCEPT MY FUCKING DRIVERS SIDE DOOR IS FUCKING SMASHED IN. FUCK!

B: Calm down. It's okay.

Me: I KNOW IT'S OKAY. EXCEPT THE SHIT IT'S NOT BECAUSE THIS IS THE SECOND FUCKING ACCIDENT I'VE BEEN IN AND I HAVEN'T FUCKING HAD MY DAMN LICENSE FOR 4 MONTHS.

B: .....

Me: .............

B: I'll stop by your house later.


I had to drive around for like 3 months with my drivers side door caved in because the insurance company are a bunch of slackers. I had gotten it fixed and a couple weeks later I was going to our high school to watch my sister play basketball. It was a big rivalry game and the team we were playing was really rough. Their point guard was a little bitch. She slammed our PG's head. -lets call her Em- on the floor and gave her a concussion. It was a long tiring game but we came out the winner. After it was over a friend of mine- let's call him Ronald- asked me to drive him to his car out town. Another friend of ours had been sledding and hit a bank and got a concussion. He wanted to go to the emergency room to see her. We pulled out of the high school to go north and I got into the passing lane. About 60 yards from where you pull out is a turning lane so you can go back south. It was dark and I was nearing up to about 55 mph. I got close to the turning lane and I could see the other team's school bus. One blink it was in the turning lane. Two blinks it was in the passing lane. Three blinks I had slammed on my breaks and driven my car up under the back of the bus. I heard this horrible screeching sound and then a lot hissing and popping and then silence. Or maybe it was loud. I don't know. I had just slammed my car into a school bus.
I looked over at Ronald to make sure he was okay. He said that he was and then he called our friend, Shine, that was still at the game. While that was going on the other team's families stopped on side of the road and ran over to help us. They were super nice to us and very concerned. They helped us out of the car and stood with us until my parents got there. I was crying again. Not because I was hurt. Once I had gotten out of my car I looked in the road and there was a big hunk of metal sitting on it. The remnants of the front of my car:(.

My parents arrived and there was a lot of hugging and a lot of reassuring. The ambulance arrived soon after that. That was probably the thing I hated most. I don't like being the center of attention and EVERYONE was staring at me and I was the main focus. The EMT that was on call that night.. well let's just say I knew her by name at this point. She wanted to make sure I didn't have any broken bones so she strapped me in the seat inside the ambulance (I was NOT going to lay on the bed) and took me to the hospital. There were no broken bones. Just a few bruises on my knee caps from where my knees hit the steering wheel and the dash. I went home and my mom gave my phone back to me which she had taken away because I was 'distracted' when the doctor tried to talk to me. Whatever. The first thing I did was text Em. All I said was "I got them back for you."

Later I was told about what happened in the gym while I was sitting in the middle of the road. Apparently some people that knew me had watched the accident and called my parents at the same time Ronald had called Shine. Shine had pretty much jumped the bleachers and sprinted across to the other side to tell my family. She said "It was the weirdest thing. Right before I could tell them the entire section of (insertlastnamehere) stood up in unison and sprinted out the door. I've never seen anything like it."

:(

My car was totaled but it wasn't my fault. I drive a 4 Runner now. It's nothing like my mustang. It's not as fast, it doesn't have good gas mileage, but I haven't been in a wreck yet. Knock on wood. My friends would come up and tell me 'The curse of the yellow mustang is over.. but I'm still not riding with you.'