As I got into my first few months of college the rules that I had to follow during high school apparently went to shit. I came home one weekend to find that my sister had a HUGE road sign sitting in the middle of her bedroom. I just stood there in awe because she had it placed in the center of her room for all the world to see. I asked her what on God's green earth was that doing where our dad could see it. She shrugged her shoulders and said "He says it's okay. If I get caught I have to pay the fine myself. Whatever. I'm a pro."
Uh.. what?
This is the same guy that took my phone away for 2 days for saying 'suck.'
Anyway, I had always wanted my very own road sign. I began plotting and I knew where I could get the one I wanted. It was a giant BUMP sign. A few days went by and on a clear night at about 11 o'clock I asked my sister to go with me to get a sign because it's not easy to do it by yourself. We got in her little 4 cylinder car(because that's important) and drove off. She told me that if it was going to be difficult to get off it was okay because she had tools. My sister has sign stealing tools stashed in her car. She's a pro.
I guess I should make it clear that I would never, EVER steal a stop sign and wouldn't really steal someones street sign either because I know they are expensive to pay for. I would take ones that had fallen over or had been left by road work crews.
We got to the where it was. Since it was so late I didn't figure that being right on the side of the road would matter too much. Wrong. We drove by several times making sure no one was coming and my sister turned off her lights and stopped in the highway to let me out. I ran over to the ditch where the sign had fallen over. I didn't a bit more get to picking the damn thing up (which was a LOT bigger than I had anticipated. Especially since it still had the fucking poles attached to it) and a car came around the curve. I hit the fucking ground. My feet involuntarily curled under me and I dropped like a sack of bricks. Face down in the ditch. I was like one of those fainting goats. I'm probably being too generous by giving it the title of a ditch. It was more like a little bitty dip where flat ground meets bank. You couldn't successfully hide a baseball bat in that damn thing.
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| This is pretty much where I was trying to hide all 5 foot 8 of me. Only with more thorns and less high grass. |
Anyway, while I'm there, face down the fucking dimple on the side of the road all I hear is a fucking baby VROOOOOOOOOOOOM coming out of her little 4 cylinder engine and then it's gone. There's more power in a weed-eater. But it doesn't change the fact that she floored the shit out of that and LEFT. ME. THERE. So the car goes by and I peeked up to she if I could see our car and I'll be damned if another one isn't coming. I buried my head as far down as I could which was hard because I was in a clusterfuck of bushes covered in thorns. Finally after what seemed like AGES the road was quiet again. My sister pulls back up and the window is down. She has tears rolling down her face. She popped the trunk and she told me(as much as she could muster between snorts) to hurry up and put the sign in the back. I tried to pick it up and as soon as I did a fucking dog comes out of nowhere. It's snarling and barking and it locks in on me and starts galloping my way. My sister sees this and floors her car again leaving me to drop the sign and run down the road after her in a pair of boots. I dove into the passenger side and glared at her. I was covered in thorns, tree paraphernalia, mud, and I was bleeding from various places of my body. She thought that was the funniest shit ever. I just hope that's the last time I end up face down in a ditch on the side of the road.
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