I'm going to be a Disney movie.. only with more cats and less Dalmations.

There is an incredible lack of genuinely good men in the dating pool. Hell, at this point I'd settle for marginally good or maybe even "meh.. he'll do." Unfortunately, I don't even know if that exists anymore.. which is why you will see me on Animal Hoarders about 15 years from now.

I don't expect any man to bend over backwards to do things for me. I am nobody's princess or any of that bullshit. But past relationships have caused me to add a few things to the list of things that you can't be.

Don't fuck up those Vows. 
Yes. That is unfortunately a requirement. I don't know how many 19 year old girls have to deal with married men, but two in the last 3 years is enough for me. I don't want anything to do with that shit. Ladies, please. Keep your dick on a leash. It will help your relationship and I won't go bat shit crazy. Jesus Christ.

"Mom" isn't in my vocabulary. 
I love kids. I can't wait to have them, and cuddle them, and buy them cute clothes. I love babies. They are soft and adorable and they smell good all. the. time. But I don't want to have one right now. I'll babysit, but I want to give it back at the end of the day. I've got things to see and people to do. Hell, I can't even legally drink alcohol for another two years. I sure as shit don't need anyone calling me "momma."   

If you have been booked, keep on booking it. 
Sigh. I am a pretty good kid. I don't do drugs. I've never been drunk. I'm only a super speeder 85% of the time. I can't be bringing a boy home to daddy and have to explain that record. I'd have a better chance dating Hugh Hefner. 

If I wanted something attached to my hip, I'd buy another belt. 
I am an independent person. I don't need to talk to you every minute of every day. I don't need to see you every afternoon. I don't need you to be with me all the time. It was cute when you told me you missed me the first time. And it was still cute when you told me that you really liked me. That's nice. But when you told me that the 17th time and it hindered normal conversation.. nope. Not cool anymore. I will not be another human beings reason to exhale. 


Thou shalt not be a chauvinist assbag. 
Women birthed you, mother fucker. We can do anything you can do better. Except pee standing up. I know how to work a saw, I know where the business end of a drill is, I can clean my rifle just fine, and if I want to put a 4 inch skyjacker lift on my jeep with Flowmaster exhaust and some Mickey Thompson wheels I'm going to do it. The only thing I NEED you to do is to be around to open a pickle jar and kill spiders. Because women's rights aren't worth dick if I can't ask a man to do my bug squashing. 


I don't think that I ask for much. I just want a nice guy with a great sense of humor. And he has to like puppies. Unfortunately the only good men ages 17-30 are taken, married, or gay. I can't date anyone old enough to be my dad. So rather than looking for love in all the wrong places, I'm going to devote my time to collecting an enormous number of cats. Wish me luck. Because I hate cats.