Enter the Griswold family vacation.

I am writing this post from my phone as my sister, her boyfriend, my cousin and I are barreling down the road at 80 miles per hour in a four car caravan. It is 5:14 in the morning. I have had 45 minutes of sleep. My sister hasn't had any. Welcome to the first installment of what can only be described as a Griswold family vacation.

We are on our way to New Smyrna Beach in the Sunshine State. "We" includes my family and 31 others. Yes, there are 37 of us in this vacation. We left at 3:45 this morning. It is a 9 hour drive. My sister is at the wheel - running on about 15 minutes of sleep. I am in the back seat praying to the good lord above that we don't go careening off the side of the road into a firey death. I don't like energy drinks, but I purchased one anyway because if I am going to die, I am going to die screaming at her ass.

We are almost two hours into our trip and I know, without a doubt, that this vacation is going to drive me to drinking. That will be difficult since both my parents have a strict policy against underage drinking. It goes along the lines of "fuck no." There was a drink mixed before we left our house and I just had to try it. I don't know what it's really called, but I have been describing it as tasting like unicorns and Jesus for two days. Fortunately for me, my parents know I generally don't like alcohol which makes sneaking cup or six of that much easier. Or at least I hope it does. Because if it doesn't I'll be doing 100 to life.

My dad is the tail end of this little conga line and he's already called me twice to have me tell my sister how to drive and I just LOVE relaying messages between people. We've driven through what smells similar to the inside of a skunks asshole, and I think someone in this car has shit their pants. I've said "fuck" more times than I usually would by 5 am and I have a feeling I'm going to be making up words by the end of the day.

Here's to my sanity and may we all return in mostly one piece. Part two will come up as soon as something interesting happens. I have a feeling that will be sooner than later.