Friday, August 31, 2012

Just tell me I'm conceited and wrong. Please.

The past two weeks have been filled with nothing but class work, homework, and plain old work. My schedule is ridiculous and my focus has been on getting all my work done, so it's no surprise that life has snuck up on me to remind me that I'm just a pawn in its twisted little games.

I had to work at our new studio building on Monday. My least favorite professor had me cleaning out the greenhouse turned art building so we could move the old stuff into the new building. The temperature in that glass oven ranged somewhere between 95 and fuck you.
I was moving Halloween paraphernalia from the greenhouse to the room beside it which was about a 6 foot distance. My mood was grand. I was grumbling along- box in hand, avoiding spiders and drawing boards when my foot caught on something that was not in my line of vision. I went flying across the room, but managed to cushion my fall by landing on a box filled with a tiny metal popcorn machine and orange fuzzy pumpkins. There was also another item hidden in the box.. A very real, very large knife with a fucking 12 inch blade. That bitch sailed out of nowhere and lodged itself in the side of my pony tail - narrowly avoiding my neck by about an inch and a half. I almost shit my pants. I immediately went to show Satan's mistress what was lurking in her boxes and her response was "glad you didn't die. That would have been a horrible lawsuit." Bitch.

The next day was just as odd. I'm a sophomore in college. I realize not everyone has the same maturity level and such, but really.. We're considered adults. There is a boy that wears a Perry the Platypus hat with a hat like the platypus wears in the cartoon sewn on top. I try not to make fun of him because I'm already concerned God is going to give me ugly babies as punishment for all the other people I've made fun of and the last thing I need is a college student that wants to wear a fucking kids hat. So, I'm walking to class and I see him at the top of the hill I'm about to walk up. I sucked in my breath and was about to bite my tongue when I squinted and saw it. Mother fucker had a rolling backpack. I haven't seen one of those bitches since elementary school. I am in complete awe because not only is he wearing two hats, but he's dragging that backpack around like a pet. He comes bebopping down the hill and right as I meet him, his wheels catch in the break in the side walk and he loses control of his backpack. I look over in horror as that shit comes careening onto my side of the walkway, effectively cutting my shins out from under me. Immediately after contact my anger rose and I forgot all about my future children. I caused a small scene when I yelled at him and told him to "PUT A DAMN LEASH ON THAT THING!" 'Im pretty sure God will forgive me, though because really.. Who has rolling backpacks?

If that was the end of my strange week I would have been fine, but sadly.. It wasn't. In one of my classes, I sit beside this girl who I thought was just really nice. We talked some and then she started playing with my keys and doodling stuff on my paper.. That was a little weird, but I didn't think much of it. And then she runs her fingers through my hair. Let me be clear here. We're not even on a first name basis. I can only refer to her as this girl in my class because I don't fucking know her name. And she is running her fingers through my hair, poking me in the sides and telling me she loves my handwriting. I don't know for sure, I mean.. She may just be lacking acceptable social skills.. But something about her mustache tells me that there could be a little flirting being directed towards me. Don't get me wrong, I love gay people. They are wonderful and I wish I had a pocket sized gay friend to take shopping with me all the time, but I'm all about penises and I don't know how to handle this situation. At all.

I have a feeling it's going to be a long, long semester.

1 comment:

  1. My opinion doesn't count for squat, but still, it sounds to me like you should be running that school because the teacher seems to be on the same level as the two students you described.
    At the very least, you should be a shoe-in for valedictorian. Unless there is some affirmative action clause for that prize, too. It seems like there is most certainly a clause for admission.
    The whole thing is just sad and no one is reaching their potential, which I think is absolutely normal for most colleges these days.