God punishes you for stealing.

My life is filled with a series of events so unfortunate and strange that I will get texts from my friends saying things like "Omg! I saw something that you would have seen today!" or "Your bad luck has rubbed off on me." I live in a little town that is filled with the most beautiful mountains. We have lakes, creeks, and waterfalls. You name it, we have it. When I feel overwhelmed I get in my car, roll down the windows and I ride. There is nothing more relaxing than that. One day one of my best friends.. let's call her Buddy. Buddy was feeling particularly overwhelmed and I told her that we would go riding and let her blow off some steam. We set out around lunch time. I knew of this awesome little waterfall off the road about a mile. It's not remote. There is a little camp site set up beside it. Granted it is a basically a stick with a tarp over it. I had been there plenty of times before and no one had ever been there.

Not fucking going there again.

Buddy and I drove up to the little area and got out. We walked the short distance to the falls and I let her enjoy it. We didn't stay long. We had other places to go. On our way out she noticed a wooden sign. It had a ghost on it and it said Happy Halloween. I didn't understand why the fuck it there was a sign that said Happy Halloween because it wasn't October. It was March. Buddy wanted to steal it real bad. I figured since it wasn't Halloween and the camp was completely deserted no one would miss it. I opened the door to my car and she was shoving it in when I heard the gravel popping. I looked up and this old beat up Explorer was pulling in. I pretty much went into super human speed mode. I practically threw that board in the back of my car, shoved Buddy into the passenger side and was backing out when I looked over and the car had blocked me in. 5 men got out of the car with 36 pack of beer. I'm not entirely sure that the word 'bath' was in their vocabulary. The oldest one was around 60.. at least I think he was. He was real dirty. He motioned for me to stop. Since he basically had me blocked in and he saw me steal his sign I couldn't do anything other than stop. He walked over to my window and told me to roll it down. I did about half way. Also, I kept my car in reverse just in case I needed to commit a hit a run. I'm not that stupid. We had a conversation. It went like this.

Old Man: Hi, my name is Lenny. I live 'n that tent over there.

Me: Hello.. my name is Me.

OM: Nice tuh meecha. What's yur friends name?

Me: Buddy.

And then he shook our hands.

OM: Did y'all go out ta the falls? They sure are pretty. If y'all want ta get out again I could take you back over there. I live here. In that tent. I know the falls real well.

Me: No thanks. We've got a lot of other places to go.

OM: Well that's a shame. If y'all ever want to come back you can. I live here. I'd sure like to have some visitors.

Me: We may do that, sir. The fuck we will. It was nice meeting you! 

OM: It was nice meeting you too. Like I said, I live here and y'all can come back! I went to the high school here. I know this place real well.

And then he shook our hands again.

I rolled up my window and floored it the fuck out of that place. I was fish tailing and slinging gravel everywhere. Buddy and I applied hand sanitizer. It was creepy, but he was nice. I kind of felt bad for stealing his sign. I told Buddy we would take it back one day when he wouldn't be there. As nice as he was I did not want to go 'See the falls' with him.

Buddy and I went on the rest of our adventure and I took her home. I was laying in bed that night and I got a text from her. She had told her mom about meeting Lenny. Her mom had gone to high school with him way back when. Apparently, sometime after graduating there was a warrant out for his arrest. He had chased some woman through her house and tried to rape her. I SHOOK HANDS WITH A FUCKING RAPIST. Beside his tent. A mile off the road. WITH NO SERVICE. Talk about an eye opening experience. It was then that I realized what God had done. He didn't let the man get us, but he sure as shit let us know that we shouldn't ever steal anything again. Even if it was a wooden sign that said Happy Halloween.